The Incomplete Idiot’s Guide to Artists. Batch 2

Standing Ovation, Seated

I have been collecting typical questions about artists and art for some time, and here’s the second batch of my answers: often biased, sometimes rude, and always right. Think of it as an introduction to modern culture.


Picasso

Picasso Nude Large Nude in Red Armchair – 1929

Question (typical): I am told this twisted figure represents passionate beauty. I am beginning to doubt my sanity.

Answer (my): Think of passionate sex in a hall of mirrors, and your head’s wobbling side to side in ecstasy. Your eye only gets bits of images that register in your brain as a random sequence of “what an ass”, “fantastic boobs”, “I love these lips”, “she rolled her eyes”, and such…

Q (trying to dial 911 in his pocket): Are you really an art history professor?

A: …Then remove wild sex and mirrors. Pile up your remaining memories together: all those “views” that you saw in front of…

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